That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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