How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
