You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
