She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
