Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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