The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My liver just broke up with me...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
