Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
