Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I want is dick and wine.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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