You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
