So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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