dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
