so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
