she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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