tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it glows. i had to have it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
