im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
