Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
