i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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