Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
