I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
