There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
