It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
