The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
