so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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