Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
