It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
