I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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