either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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