She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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