so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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