My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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