I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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