Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
