ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
