We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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