he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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