my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
