Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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