btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
