The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
