His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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