The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The Olympian is in my bed
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