what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
