i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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