Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
