I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
