i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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