Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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