In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
foreskin is a definite game changer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
