Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
