yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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