No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
